a long rambler again

My oldest son is very smart (cough cough) and will be able to do whatever he sets his mind to. It's a matter of getting focused and figuring it out---he's already doing that; he'll be fine. My youngest son, who is deaf and was implanted with a cochlear implant at 22 months, is hardly any different than a hearing kid. He's at the top of his class, just recently found out he made it to the county level of the spelling bee; I don't really worry about him. My middle son; my middle son---he has a harder struggle, and sometimes I so mourn for him. Deaf as well, but oh so smart (cough)---from the very beginning he was quick and bright. (okay okay--spoken like a true mom, I know). When he was very small---four, maybe five---he loved numbers. If you asked him how many zeros were in almost any number, he could tell you. He would count them in his head. "How many zeros are in a million?" He would know. "How about ten million?" He would tell you. "How many in a billion? 100 billion? A trillion?" I figured his dad taught him, he figured someone at school had taught him (he was going to a fantastic oral school for the deaf)....but no one had. Somehow numbers just came easy to him. But language was harder. He didn't get implanted until he was 3 1/2, after language development has basically happened for hearing children. Everything had to be spoon-fed to him regarding language and sentence structure and words. He didn't pick up expressions and subtle language nuances through incidental hearing like everyone else does from the moment of birth and even before. So language has been harder, and yet he does amazing. He's made so much progress; he's come so far. I'm sure I can't even know the effort he expends every day, going to school, doing well, listening, trying to piece together what he maybe didn't hear, and on and on and on. I'm sure I can't even begin to know what this process has been for him through the years (I know it's a similar process and struggle for my youngest son as well, but having received the implant so much younger, the work and effort is SO much less). So I marvel at him, at where he is, at what he does. But I also mourn sometimes at where, maybe, he could be if he had been hearing from the beginning. There's so much potential, so much intelligence there----it doesn't seem fair that he should have to struggle. Opportunities missed. School activities and groups he probably would've been a part of if his whole story had been different. And I know. I know there's nothing to be gained in wondering "What if." Nothing accomplished by pondering the end of "If only." And it takes away from what he's accomplished.

I guess more and more I'm aware of this inequity as schoolwork gets harder and more advanced. As writing requirements move beyond the basic into the more intricate. As his peers become involved in various academics groups and activities. It's torture getting my son to get his homework done; there's no way he's going to add on an extra activity. How does one succeed in this world without good and even excellent writing skills? How does one excel without high-level communication skills? If kindness and empathy and care for fellow man was on a par with those other tangible skills, I wouldn't worry at all. He would be president. As it is, I must have trust that I don't need to worry anyway. He is a deaf boy who does almost everything his peers do and he does many of them better than a lot of them do. All parents have a tender part that mourns something, I suppose. It's folly to focus on that, and I want to never take my eye off of all the amazing progress he has made.

And in acknowledgment of my other sons---all I've said here applies to them as well. I don't mean to diminish their own accomplishments, for many of them have been gained through adversity and struggle as well. My oldest son had so many things on his plate when he was little---a mom who was overwhelmed with the care of two deaf babies, so she wasn't always there for him like she wanted and needed to be. Two deaf brothers who sucked up all the attention and energy and resources. Yes, my other two sons have had their own set of struggles too. I guess it's just that their place seems more solid---their opportunity more secure. But life is interesting, isn't it? Sometimes worry is misplaced and just a waste of time. Sometimes things are more solid than they seem. I want to focus on what is great and good, on accomplishment and opportunity. I want to teach my kids to do the same.

anyone want to try for 6001?

'Most-Pierced Woman' Breaks 6,000

Elaine Davidson, the Guiness World Record holder for the "most-pierced woman" just broke her own record, according to the U.K.'s Telegraph. When she was first awarded the title in 2000 she had 462 piercings. In this photo from May 16, 2008, Davidson poses for the camera in the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, Scotland, showing some of the 5,920 piercings she had then.

love your babies

This is so sweet and so wrenching at the same time:

I'm going to pay him later

My youngest son just commented on his friend's mom. They live next door to us and are super neighbors. The said mom is---well, let's just say that I've been looking for a flaw and haven't found one yet. Model cute/pretty, perfect shape, friendly, etc. etc. So my son says, "B's mom is so skinny." Sigh. And I say archly, "So what's your point??" and give him a smile and make some comment about how maybe someday I will be too, or something like that. And he says, "I don't want you to be that skinny." "You don't? Why?" "You look good the way you are; I like you the way you are." Awwww. I wish I shared his sentiment but it was priceless to me nonetheless.

a spot of good news

In these days of doom and gloom, stories like T-H-I-S are so great to read. I love these kinds of accountings...paying it forward. So inspiring and refreshing.

ooh! ooh! pick me, pick me!

I just want to say that I volunteer to be "fat" like Jessica Simpson. Give me a break!

and now this?

Now there's the 60 year old woman who just gave birth to twins. Again, her deep and selfless reason: "I always said 'There should be a baby. I had my heart set on it. I wanted a baby." Me. Me. Me. I want. I guess it doesn't matter if your child wants his or her parent at graduation or other milestones like that? I guess it doesn't matter if your child doesn't want a parent who's too old to play or run or go shopping or help with college applications? I guess it doesn't matter if it would be heartbreaking for your child to have to bury his parent before he's old enough to really be on his own? I guess those things aren't nearly as important as what YOU want.

one more word on all those mouths

The mother of the 14 children that I last posted about was interviewed. I was struck by a statement she made several times about having a large family. "It's all I ever wanted." I'm wondering if what she wanted is a sufficient reason to bring 14 kids into the world. It's not like collecting dolls or something.